This much I know

I was tempted to leave this paragraph blank! For whilst it seems that wisdom may be acquired as one lives through life experiences, I often feel that the longer I live the less I know. Perhaps I am confusing knowledge with certainty. Maybe it is not that I know less, more that the certainty of youth is replaced by a wider understanding that life is complicated and there are many possibilities and alternatives.

Richard Osman, the quiz master on Pointless (my favourite TV quiz it has to be said) when talking about this issue, said “In life, you’re like a rocket. For the first 35 or 40 years you’re being fired up into the air, and whatever your fuel was – ambition, money – you’re burning it up to get the rocket higher. But then at some point you fall to earth again.”

This I can relate to. I am very much on earth, at base camp and truly exploring that ground. And here, amongst the foothills is a thought that is slowly coalescing into a truth. There is but one guiding principle that determines what it is all about. It’s all about love or fear.

Love and Fear

Love and fear are the two main emotions that we are capable of experiencing. Every other emotion is a sub set of either one of the two. Not only are they polar opposites they are each also linked to one key hormone that regulates our body. Fear produces cortisol and is part of the fight/flight response. It is the hormone that helps our body facilitate a rapid response to danger. Unfortunately, our modern lifestyles and culture have created circumstances where it is a response to stress, rather than danger that is the primary reason for the hormone’s production.

Love, on the other hand produces oxytocin, which is our body’s natural antidote to stress and the effects of cortisol. If this area is of interest to you take a look at this article which identifies clearly the effects of lifestyle and hormone and ultimately love and fear.

Back in the foothills of understanding; it’s all well and good understanding something, it’s in the living of it where the challenge lies. This is where mindfulness can help. By practicing mindfulness we can become closer to our emotional experience. Living in the present moment, noticing what is happening in our mind and body provides us with the opportunity to identify whether it is from love or fear that we are living.

The Present Moment

Writing this has achieved two things. Firstly, it has brought me into this present moment. I have realised that fear is always part of my experience and runs right through all aspects of my life. Secondly, this realisation has reminded me of the new understanding I am developing of fear; how it shapes our behaviour and how I can change this.

New learning takes a while to assimilate and behaviours take practice and time to change. I have re-visited my earlier post on Fear and will be listening to Tara Brach’s talks again about moving beyond the fear body. If you have not listened to them yet and if any aspect of what I have written resonates with you then I recommend them to you. If time is tight then just listen to the second talk as it summarises the first talk and recommends two approaches to dealing with the fear. The second of these explains how love is the antidote and how we can compassionately support our experience to change our fearful reaction.

Photography and love

In my forthcoming Online Mindful Photography Course I explore more of this territory. I find it particularly interesting to explore and develop love through photography. ‘How can you do that?’ you ask. Here are four ideas that you can use as a basis for a Mindful Photography Practice on Love.

  1. Allocate a significant period of time (several weeks would be great!) where you only create photos of a loved one. This is inspired by Eric Kim’s Cindy Project – do take a look at the link as Eric explains why you should do this project. Obviously, they will need to be comfortable with the idea, but perhaps if you explain that you are exploring your love for them, they will be comfortable and even excited!
  2. Visit a location or place that you love, in the weather that most inspires you, and create a set of 10 photos that best represent what you love about the place.
  3. Choose a photographer who’s work you love. Study their work. Consider their style, their subject matter, their POV, their lens choice. Produce a set of 10 photos as an homage to their work.
  4. Create a small set of photos (or just one if it’s too challenging) that illustrates what you love about yourself.

Do let me know if you try any of these and I always welcome examples of your work to share here. The photos that I have used to illustrate this post are from a set of photos I call ‘Promenaders’ and were created after being inspired to try a de-focused 50mm lens on a wide aperture. I just love the abstract cartoon like effect created.

 

 

 

Weekly Mindful Photography Challenge – Time Off

Every week throughout the summer I will be posting a photography challenge that is designed to bring you into the present moment. They can be completed with any camera, even your phone. Your favourite photos are posted to our Facebook group, which is a public group so that you can invite your friends to join in.

This week’s mindful photography challenge is ‘Time Off’ and is an invitation to create one photograph that shares a little of how you spend your time off. On one of your rest days this week take your camera out to play! Imagine that you can only create one photo all day. Observe your day. Wait until a photo opportunity grabs you. Look at what stopped you and why. Consider how you will frame it (what is in the frame and what is out?) Consider how your camera will see the scene. Then create one photo.

Share your favourite photo here. This is mine.

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Fear

The following post is a personal summary of the wisdom, inspiration and guidance provided by Tara Brach (meditation teacher, psychologist and author) in her two talks called ‘Beyond the Fear Body’. Links to both talks are provided below and I encourage you to spare 50 minutes per talk to fully appreciate the depth of understanding Tara Brach has regarding the role fear plays in our lives. Direct quotes from the talks are identified and the rest is primarily a summary of her guidance.

Beyond the Fear Body 1                 Beyond the Fear Body 2

Why concern ourselves with fear?

If we look at the difficult aspects of our lives, in the shadows we will find fear. Underneath the emotions we will often find fear. We can sense it. Sometimes it is sharp, sometimes a background hum, sometimes a restlessness. There is no way to come home to our wholeness, to love ourselves fully in this world without befriending the background agitation, the fear.

Fear is a dominant driver in our life. Fear + resistance (to the fear) = suffering

But how do we change our relationship with fear? How do we move from acting out in familiar ways and habitual behaviours, to wisdom and compassion. Instead of running from our fears how can we learn to turn towards, to lean in, to what we are running from? How can we find our way to presence and embrace the life that is right here?

What is fear?

Fear is our anticipation of loss. Loss of our health, job, esteem, person, control of our life, life itself. Fear is an evolutionary habit, it is nature’s protector. The oldest parts of our mind (the limbic system) provide the fight/flight response that is designed to enable us to function at our physical and mental peak, in order to save our threatened lives.

Fear turns to suffering when it oversteps. When there is a repeated perceived threat and it is not processed. Fear then locks in and the sympathetic nervous system locks in. Our bodies’ response is named by Eckhart Tolle the ‘Fear Body’ and is made up of the physical response (flight/fight response, leading to a developing bodily tension, tightening in the body, causing blockages) and our thoughts (worry, planning, controlling, obsessing, imagining) which combined dictate our behaviour.

Our behaviours in this response are to not look for what is wrong, but to distract ourselves, to try to diminish the feeling of fear. We may look to distract ourselves from fear by eating, drinking, doing things, pouncing on others or withdrawing. This ‘Fear Body’ state could almost be called a trance. The limbic system has hijacked our access to another part of our mind, the frontal lobe. This is the part that provides our capacity to be present in the moment, to notice what is happening and be mindful.

How does fear make us feel and behave?

Fear catches us in something smaller than we are. Sometimes called ‘the big squeeze’, fear squeezes out our capacity to be present and loving as part of something bigger. Instead we are locked into the smaller part of ourselves, our egoic self. Everything is centered around that limited self perception, we lose living moments and are hooked into a re-activity.

Fear drives our addictions. It brings us into conflict with ourselves and others. We become more controlling and more manipulative, as we try to bend the world to our will. Deep into this process we become less intelligent, act stupidly, our creativity is limited, we loose spontaneity and our hearts close.

In our wider society the affect of unprocessed fear on a collective level is the cause of war. When we are afraid we get violent, self protective. We try to gain control and assign blame. We manipulate this by explaining how something is wrong with the ‘other’ (the other being because of difference: race, religion, city, club etc). We don’t find it so hard to be violent to the ‘other’, they don’t feel real or connected to us. We are not connected to their suffering.

Our intention has to be to evolve from this re-activity. To move beyond the fear body to ‘attend and befriend’ the fear.

How do we evolve from re-activity?

How can we learn to attend to and befriend the fear? How can we inhabit the motivation to hang out with fear?

There are two key inter connected pathways: Direct Presence and Train the Mind

1) Direct Presence

Direct presence is being completely here now. However, being completely in the moment when confronted by rising emotion, fueled by fear, is not always possible. Fortunately, there are cues we can follow to raise our awareness that we have moved into the fear body. Firstly we can note our physical symptoms: these tend to be in throat, chest or belly. We can investigate gently, with curiosity not judgment. Secondly, listen to the mind. What thoughts are present? Where do they take you?

Now we need to train the mind to be able to come totally into the present moment and to connect.

2) Train the Mind

Our intention is to “redirect our attention in ways that build some of our strengths in what we love, so that we can be with our fear”. We remember that we are connected by love to a whole world. We remember our strengths. We find access to a positive mental state. How do we do this? We need to change our habits, to train our attention to go where we want it to. We don’t have to use the familiar neural pathways. We need to forge new pathways, new ways of thinking.

I often liken our habitual thoughts to being the motorways of our mind. Re-training the mind to think differently means forging new off road tracks. As Tara says,

“We can train our attention to have a different experience. ‘Neurons that fire together wire together.’ If you consistently learn to pay attention a certain way, a way that reminds you that love is here, even when you feel scared…..then every time fear is triggered you get a little more access to remembering that, you get a little more space to be with the fear. Where the attention goes, energy flows.”

So, in the midst of noticing the Fear Body ground yourself. Feel the gravity: your feet on the floor, your bum on the seat. Slow your breath, breathe deeper. Put a hand on your belly or heart, breathe. Remind yourself that you are part of the whole. Reach out to wholeness. No matter what you call it (Jesus, Buddha, higher self, Gaia, God, soul, universal energy – everything in the universe is made of the same stuff). Can you accept that the fear is here and soften?

“Our path is to meet our edge and soften” Chögyam Trungpa

Fear is the path. Fear is the practice. Fear is a portal

Read how Tara Brach met her edge and softened here

The Photos

The photos accompanying this post were created in response to a personal fear. The location, lighting, composition and black and white conversion were partly planned and partly instinctive once on location.

 

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The Illusion of the Self

The existence of a thing that we call ‘self’ has been discussed, investigated and argued about for more than two millennium. Philosophers, Buddhists, Christians, psychologists and biologists all have shared their thoughts and theories.

What the ‘self’ is and how an understanding of its influence can support you is intriguing. I am interested not only in the views of those aforementioned specialists, but also how I can use photography as a tool for self enquiry (pun intended!).

 

Photography and the self

It seems pertinent and practical to use an artistic process, in this case photography, to relate your inner world to the outer – using all those visual tools to communicate thoughts, ideas, feelings, concepts and sensations. As Henri Cartier-Bresson said, “A balance must be established between two worlds – the one inside us and the one outside of us. As a result of a constant reciprocal process, both these worlds come to form a single one. And it is this world we must communicate.” H. Cartier-Bresson ‘The Decisive Moment’ 1952

Photography creates an opportunity to visually represent the ideas of what and who you are. You can use the visual elements of design to convey emotion, you can make imaginative use of symbol or metaphor and you can create self portraits that convey something of your self, your world and your views on who you are.

My intrigue and interest in this topic has been kindled whilst cultivating a mindful approach to photography and life experiences. In developing my  Mindful Photography Online Course I have touched upon how mindfulness provides a doorway to self enquiry and an investigation into how the concept of self may just be an illusion. I have also explored those ideas I listed in the last paragraph to investigate how you can represent your world in photos. All of this has helped me personally and by sharing my experiences through the course it can help you.

I have in the past experienced a loss of self. A severe constriction of my breathing has left me unable to be anything beyond the next breath. Over many days I experienced feeling unmanned, adrift and disconnected. I lost a some sense of who or what I was. I found this deeply unsettling and it caused huge difficulties.

When my breathing rebalanced I felt reconnected. But the experience caused me to reflect. What was it that I lost? Was there something of an opportunity arising from the experience? I don’t have the answer for you, but I continue to explore this land through my photography and writing. Do you?

 

Research

I have continued reading around the topic and have also started listening to relevant Buddhist Dharma talks. The prose below is from a talk at Gaia House, Devon by Leela Sarti entitled ‘The Illusion of Self. Equanimity and Beyond’. I found it resonated with my experience and hinted positively at how dissolving the ego can make us whole. I hope you find it useful.

There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken.

There is a shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterred.

There is sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy.

And the fragility out of who’s depth emerges strength.

There is a hollow space to vast for words, through which we pass with each loss. Out of who’s darkness we are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than all sounds, who’s serrated edge cuts the heart, as we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable and whole.

Whilst learning to sing.

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Look Again

I met up with Mindful Photographer Ruth Davey today. Ruth runs Look Again, a photography business that ‘uses stillness, mindfulness and a connection with nature to help clients look again at themselves and the world around them.’

Look Again combines therapeutic and mindful photography in walks, workshops, projects and training. Most intriguingly it is Ruth’s lived experience of using photography in her recovery from mental health difficulties that lends such authenticity to her work. This I could relate to and it reminded me that by discussing our own difficulties and relating how mindful photography can support our self understanding and acceptance we provide a safe space for others to do the same.

I have invited Ruth to contribute a blog post about her work, so you’ll be able to read more soon. In the meantime if you are interested in learning about her work visit her website.

 

Weekly Mindful Photography Challenge – Summer

Every week throughout the summer I will be posting a photography challenge that is designed to bring you into the present moment. They can be completed with any camera, even your phone. Your favourite photos are posted to our Facebook group, which is a public group so that you can invite your friends to join in.

This week’s mindful photography challenge is ‘Summer’ and is an invitation to create one photograph that represents an element of your summer. Maybe go for a walk with your your favourite camera/lens on a lovely sunny day, we’ve had a few lately (even in damp Wales!). Imagine that you can only create one photo, walk and observe. Wait until a photo opportunity stops you. Look at the scene. Consider how you will frame it (what is in the frame and what is out?) Consider how your camera will see the scene. Then create one photo.

Share your favourite photo here. This is mine. I like to include myself quite often, the photographer in his world. Here I have created a reminder of my day, relaxing in the sun after a walk along the beach. With an element of summer play in the background. I look forward to seeing yours.

 

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12 inches

“The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it.” – Ansel Adams

This is my most often repeated quote. I ask the question, “What is the most important part of the camera?”, a deliberately misleading question, I know. It illicits answers that reveal a technical focus and occasionally compostional awareness. Once in a while someone will answer. “You are.” And I smile.

The camera is a tool. Bewitched by advertising and media reports about the latest camera developments we become immersed in the idea that a particular camera or lens will lead to ‘better’ photographs. The Ansel Adams quote is a reminder that it is you who is the creative agent, you who make the creative decisions. Sure high quality equipment can make a difference, but knowing how to use the equipment effectively (smartphone or DSLR) and learning how to truly see are at the heart of personal resonant photography.

Mindful Photography is all about photography that is personal, resonant and true to you. It places clear seeing, learning how to see like a camera and using seeing as an anchor, at the heart of the creative art. It uses mindfulness approaches to learn and hold gently all the technical and compositional stuff, whilst you are learning. It encourages an exploration of using photography to represent your emotional experiences, and it provides a creative vehicle for personal growth and self exploration of how you are living now.

Ansel Adams was right. You are the most important component of a camera.

The Photos

I thought I would illustrate this quote with photos from my most recent practice, with my faithful assistant. All of these photos were created with a small high end compact camera. It has full manual features so I can make creative choices. But these photos illustrate clearly that the heart of an engaging photo is an emotional connection and clear seeing. When there is an alignment between your eye, your heart and your mind the photo created resonates for you. What the viewer thinks or experiences is always out of your control. Create photographs that mean something to you.

These photos, in chronological order follow our walk through, park, lane and beach. And the final one tells the tale of its impact. Monty’s version of savasana (corpse pose)!

 

10 more things you don’t know about me (probably)

I was browsing through my old posts today and came across 25 things you don’t know about me (probably), which I wrote whilst on holiday in Canada 16 months ago. I thought it was time for an update!

  1. I am in love. Oo, that feels good. Not often in your life you can say that. There is hope for us all! At the tender age of 56 I have met a wonderful woman and we find ourselves mutually attracted in everyway and on the same page in life. Stay tuned!
  2. I am now working freelance – for the first time in 56 years. Scary and exciting.
  3. I have recently taken my own advice and simplified my camera equipment. I now use a Fuji X-T2 and currently have just two lenses. It feels a positive move.
  4. Continuing a daily gratitude practice with my sister in Canada has helped us to stay involved in each other’s lives.
  5. I have appeared as a film extra in the forthcoming movie Show Dogs (January 2018). I even got to play a photographer’s hands. It was tricky!
  6. Mindfulness is slowly becoming a key feature of all aspects of my life.
  7. The men’s group I started with local friends has proven to be hugely supportive for all members. Despite (or perhaps because of) some particularly challenging issues and differences it continues to be a crucible for personal development and self exploration.
  8. Since I allowed myself to be vulnerable, by writing about my health and other challenges here, my openness has spread into the rest of my life and through osmosis infected others! It is a powerful permission.
  9. I have no idea how the changes in my personal and work life will develop over the next few years, but I have a unshakable confidence that they will be rich in experience, abundant in opportunity and continued personal development.
  10. I love walking barefoot on the beach. Not just in the summer!
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My Mindful Photography Practice

I am aware that I write more about mindfulness than photography. I reckon that is OK as my focus is teaching mindfulness through photography, but I thought that you might find it interesting to read about my regular (mindful) photography practice. What I do and how I do it.

A couple of days ago I followed a mindful photography practice to produce the one photo for this week’s Mindful Photography Challenge. What follows here is a walk through of my practice, the camera set up, the intention of the practice and my feelings and reactions to each photo. I have included all 10 photos here so that I can reflect upon the idea that it is the practice that is most essential rather than the outcomes (the photos).

A Mindful Photography Practice – A Part of the Whole

The title for this practice was just a moment’s inspiration, an idea that sprung to mind. Usually I do not use a theme for the practice, previously I have used “Blue”, but it is more usual for me to centre just upon the observation of what is in front of me.

I chose a simple camera set up that I can now use quite instinctively, not needing to move the camera from my eye as I adjust exposure settings. I use Aperture Priority, an ISO appropriate for the light (200 on this day) and start with the camera in a mid range aperture (f8). Bryan Petersen in his books on exposure calls this a ‘who cares’ aperture, one where the depth of field is not a big issue and the object that you focus on will be super sharp. From this point you can choose to change the aperture, without removing the camera from your eye, knowing which way to move the relevant ring/button – because you have practiced! I also chose to use my 35mm lens (a 50mm equivalent on my camera) to encourage a literal creation of photos that were a part of the whole.

I decided to create 10 photos in 30 minutes on a short walk to a local park. I also set myself the intention of not looking at the review screen after each photo and keeping count of the number of photos created in my head. The purpose of this is to centre my mind upon the visual, to use seeing as my anchor, the thing I return to whenever I notice my busy mind.

This is the first photo I created, only a minute from my front door. As I reached the corner of the first road I have to cross, I looked up. I was drawn by the blue, blue sky and saw the tenacious plant clinging to the building, framed against the sky. I chose to change the aperture to a wider one to focus the eye upon the subject and used the edges of the building to create lines that lead to the plant. All of this decision making happened in an instant. Only now reflecting on it am I aware of that process. The more you practice the more instinctive that process becomes. The photo opportunity also resonated as a symbolic representation of nature and man made parts of the whole.

A few yards further on the red of this dismembered tennis ball caught my eye. Red is the strongest colour to include in a photo and in retrospect my decision to keep the wide open aperture was not necessary. Perhaps the wiser option would have been the mid range aperture, the subject is bright enough and the background, which has its own interest a little lost.

At the entrance to the park I saw this opportunity. I do like to include myself in photos; part of the whole! But my eyes deceived me. They of course have a higher dynamic range than the camera, which struggled to make out the faded word at the bottom of the frame. I didn’t know until I reviewed the photo at the end of the practice that the exposure compensation button had also been left at +1.75, from recording videos the previous day! Wisdom learnt: check all settings before starting practice. As I was shooting in raw, as well as jpegs, I was able to rectify the impact.

The simplicity of this opportunity stopped me. I like a diagonal in composition and the way the leaf shadows broke up the line suggest that they were part of the puzzle (the whole) that could be remade.

More diagonals, and sun and shadow attracted my attention here. By choosing to use my 35mm lens including just part of different elements, through deliberate placing of the frame, suggests part of the whole. It also creates triangles of shape in structure and light, which are a feature of my work.

I had wandered for a while before I came across this bench. It was the word ‘loved’ that drew my attention. That the bench was dedicated to a lost loved one reminded me that we are all part of the whole, that every element of what we are becomes something else in time. I chose a wide open aperture so that I could draw the viewer’s attention to the word that first caught my eye. Choice of point of view created the diagonal lines that lend dynamism to the composition.

The water in the lake is quite low at present, due to low rainfall (in Wales, who’d have thought it!) These old foundations the ducks are sunning themselves on are usually underwater. Of course because of the high dynamic range, the shadow and bright sunshine, some rescuing of detail has had to take place. Whilst these photographic mistakes were made during the actual practice they do not detract from the value of the practice in centering me in the moment. Fortunately some of the errors can be recovered with a little editing!

I got up real close to this plant. Creating lots of lines and shapes, with a decision to use a wide aperture to draw the viewer’s eye to the leaf that caught my eye.

Leaving the park I turned back and noticed this interplay of gate and its shadow behind. The rusted, unused chain was part of the attraction. The instinctive ‘who cares’ aperture lent itself to the opportunity.

Walking back up the hill to my house I was pretty sure I had one shot left to create. I was initially drawn by the texture and patterns of the wall on the left of this frame, but as I moved closer I saw the potential of the dead leaf. A kind of counterpoint to the first photo created. Man made and nature, also illustrating that everything is impermanent. Ironically this photo opportunity is just 5 feet from the first photo.

Normally I would not share all my photos from one practice. I would probably choose just the one or two I thought strongest. But here I wanted to share the process, warts and all. For it is the practice that is important. Mistakes helps us learn, both photographically and in life. A photography practice is providing opportunity to practice seeing like a camera, this is at the heart of photographic creation. Whilst there are also opportunities to practice and learn about our technical and compositional choices, it is the seeing that is the foundation of mindful photography.

 

 

 

I am a bridge

I am a bridge from one part of my life to another. Sometimes I can see the structures (events, happenings) that connect one part to another. Often I can see the beginning, but the end and the security of land remains out of view  – like crossing the Firth of Forth in a sea mist – I keep going, certain that my feet are placed on a solid structure, one in front of the other. Eventually I will reach the other side and arrive where I arrive.

Sometimes when crossing other bridges I find myself stepping off into a new land and my recollection of the journey across the bridge is unclear. But here I am. Present in new circumstances.

I now know that I can remain aware and present on my journey across the bridge. It is but a trick, a paying attention; to each footstep, to the view ahead and the view I am passing. It only requires a simple paying attention, but I get distracted by thoughts of how it will be when I arrive. If I arrive.

I am crossing a bridge now. From full time employment to freelance self employment. I am not certain where I will arrive, but I am travelling. I occasionally think, “What is the worst that could happen?” It’s probably that I can’t secure enough income to live and then can’t get back into employment. I know the fear is out there,  but I really believe that the land I arrive in will not be like that.

I will arrive on the other side of the bridge and there will be opportunities that I cannot now conceive of. My intention is strong. My belief that my journey across the bridge will arrive in a place that supports, sustains and enriches my life is complete. I just need to keep placing one foot in front of the other and pay attention to where I am and where I am headed.

Weekly Mindful Photography Challenge – Part of the whole

Every week throughout the summer I will be posting a photography challenge that is designed to bring you into the present moment. They can be completed with any camera, even your phone. Your favourite photos are posted to our Facebook group, which is a public group so that you can invite your friends to join in.

This week’s mindful photography challenge is ‘Part of the whole’ and it includes a 30 minute Mindful Photography Practice. This is in response to the idea that everything is part of the whole; you, me, a branch, a cloud, a wall. It is all made up of the same stuff and it is all connected. Your photographs may be tightly framed, implying that there is more outside of the frame.

Using your favourite camera/lens set out for a location close to home. As you walk do not look for a photographic opportunity, but wait for visual stimulation that suggests the theme, ‘Part of the Whole’. You are to spend just 30 minutes on this practice and create 10 photos. No more, no less. Try not to review the photos as you practice. Keep count in your head. Stay present with the visual experience.

Share your favourite photo here. This is mine. I like the combination of man made structure and nature’s conquest. I also like the strong graphical composition, use of colour, shape and simplicity. I look forward to seeing yours.

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My four (not so) noble truths

Sometimes life circumstances and events are so challenging, so not what you want that the desire to just sail away to another place, another world, another version of your life is overwhelming. The literal reality is that this is probably not possible. Your commitments, loves and responsibilities may mean that running away to sea (or the equivalent) is just not possible. Then you face your greatest challenge. Staying with the pain, the resistance, the sheer bloody anger and frustration that cries out deep in your soul, “Why me?”

In the midst of all of the messiness, all of the roiling, raging emotion is it helpful to reflect upon the Buddha’s understanding that all of life is suffering? I don’t think so. All you can feel is that gnawing question, “Why?” Why does it have to be this way? Why does this happen to happen now? Why does this have to happen? Why bloody me?

And yet that 2500 year old wisdom contained in the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path is as relevant today and to your present suffering as it was 2500 years ago. For we are human beings and we all live through exactly the same struggles and challenges. Sure they manifest in ways relevant to the era, but the human emotional experience and the way through it remains the same.

I am not a Buddhist, but I do believe that the Four Noble Truths describe how life is and the Eightfold Path offers a way to live that allows you to lean into and accept the suffering, leading to it dissolving. I know it is true because I live it. I live through suffering, just like you and I find the wisdom supportive and a practical framework for life.

What follows is a personal and current interpretation of the Four Noble Truths, you can find many more detailed and wiser explanations online, but as the Buddha may have said (there is some dispute) ‘Do not believe what I say, live the experience and learn for yourself’ (I am paraphrasing).

My Four (not so noble) Truths

1) My life is decorated with difficulty

I do not want to live with a chronic health condition. I have spent many years either ignoring it or trying to fix myself. I know that it may get worse as I age. I know that there are limited medical interventions that help. I now know (through bitter experience) that there are ways I can choose to live that support a stable health condition.

However I do not like it. I have to make choices that I do not like. I have to let opportunities go. I have to turn events down. I have to change my day to day activities. I have to make these choices or there are consequences and the consequences are even more suffering. It’s like choosing which type of pain to suffer with.

2) My suffering is caused by me not wanting life to be how it is

Accepting it is not easy. Accepting anything that I do not like sets me up against myself. My ego believes I am immortal, younger than I am, not ageing. My ego tells me I can play football, go out for a drink, spend time doing busy activities. I believe that I am the same man I always was. I am deluded.

I know that the choices I make that are not helpful now come from old patterns. Old ways of living and old patterns of thinking. My common ways of thinking, my habits, are well travelled motorways in my mind. These roads are wide, fast and easy to use. Habitual thinking is reactionary, almost thoughtless and yet I describe myself as a certain type of person, as though those thoughts and ways of being are all that I am. I imagine that I am a thinking rational person and my reaction, my resistance is normal. And so I suffer.

3) I see a way that I can help myself

I know that I can free myself from my suffering by liberating myself from my attachment to how life was or even how it is right now. I know this rationally. I know this is true. I also know that freeing myself from my attachment to how life was/is is the work of a lifetime. How do I know this? Because it is bloody difficult. Because I regularly fall over. I get caught up in my old ways of being, my old choices and then have an acute health situation.

Knowing something and living something are not the same. However, I now know that there is a path that I can follow that supports the possibility of freedom from my suffering. I am on the path, this blog is part of it, but compared to the motorway I have been travelling on it often feels like an unsurfaced track through undulating terrain. Sometimes it is more challenging and feels like an unforgiving jungle with no path and I have just a machete in my hand.

4) My path through the jungle

My path involves a great deal of paying attention. I know that this is deeply ironic, for it was not paying attention that lead me to the place I find myself. The paying attention includes tuning into to how I am each day. Making wise choices as to how to spend that day. Considering the things I have to do, those I can change or move and those that are optional.

I believe that my path involves following work that echoes my life choices. I have for some time felt that my employed work did not do this. Taking the chance to work freelance may seem a big risk, after all being self employed is more stressful than full time employment, is it not? I am not sure. I am acting on a deeper wisdom. A calling to give this way of working and living a try. A belief that it will sustain me emotionally and financially. A belief that I must engage in work that I live as well. Mindful Photography is part of my path, part of my life practice.

I make choices to engage in activities and with people that support me along the path. Maybe I also help them. After all we are all dealing with the same causes of suffering. I have a daily meditation practice and I use a variety of techniques and practices to come back in to the present most days. Oh yes, it is a practice and I do get lost in the jungle sometimes. I do lose my way and fall back on to the motorway. But I notice and make the decision to move back to the path less travelled.

So if you are suffering, if life is particularly challenging for you right now, know that there is possibility in a 2500 year old wisdom. You do not have to become a Buddhist, but maybe read a western interpretation of the Buddha’s experiences and thoughts and then try something out yourself. But do not expect to get it right. For it is in the getting it wrong and then trying again that the path through the jungle lies.

Be compassionate for your journey. You are a beautiful person.