Yes, the Bowel resection, planned for Monday, has been delayed until 25th April. How do I feel about that? Frustrated, but also relieved. Mainly relieved right now. I dare say that the inconveniences caused by waiting another 3+ weeks will bite soon enough. In the meantime, I’m happy to not have to starve and take bowel prep this weekend, to clear out ready for the original op date on Monday. Instead, I can have tea, cake, curry and beer. Together if I like!
I had just had my pre op PCR test, which was negative and was driving back along the M4 when my phone rang. A consultant anaesthetist wanted to have a chat about how preparations were going. 5 minutes later I was off the motorway parked up and he called back. The news was not promising, they had not been able to get in contact with my throat surgeon at Charing Cross Hospital, his emails kept bouncing. Could be someone transposed his email address from an email to a piece of paper incorrectly – he does have an unusually spelt surname. Could be that was me.
Anyway, the bottom line was they had yet to have a conversation about a safe anaesthesia procedure for me with London. The issue is that my airway has been changed and they are not certain what size tube to use to keep me breathing during the operation. Too big and damage might be caused. Too small and an oedema might occur. The conclusion was that it would be safer to delay the operation to give them time to consult with London and be certain that everything was in place to keep me breathing. Sounds wise, I like breathing.
Frustration was the second emotion. Another 3+ weeks of hanging about, keeping away from indoor spaces and 2 metres from everyone else. Deep breath. That’s just how it is. Moaning about it isn’t going to change anything. Suck it up Lee, as my sister might say.
To all of you who have sent supportive messages in response to my previous posts I send you a big thank you. I love them all, they are a huge boost to my state of mind. Talking of which, that has been generally steady. I have had the odd wobble, been occasionally short tempered, and sometimes lost track of what I was supposed to be doing. There’s been a lot going on.
Since I last wrote I’ve had an MRI scan on my liver (for a later op), a PET scan (to see if there is cancer anywhere else) and my pre op assessment. The results to the two scans should come in the next couple of weeks, so hopefully the current, complete picture will be known soon. In between all those tests, I have also had many phone calls about each test booking, pre op prep, drugs, and changes to the schedule. There’s been a lot to process in a short period of time. Sometimes I lay awake between 4 and 5am, my mind a whirr, trying not to catastrophise. Fortunately, when I catch myself doing just that I can use my meditation practice and try to pay attention to my breath. It works, eventually.
Patience Lee, patience. It will all happen in time.