A low key edition. To reflect my mood. I am dog tired and, of course, that affects mood. Sleep has been episodic for a while now and the cumulative effect of several nights with little deep sleep is insidious. I am usually a good sleeper. 8 hours a night no problem. It’s time to get out of here.

However, first I have to get through the second operation. Later today it will be clear how successful the reconstruction has been. Hopefully, I will be breathing through my throat without the aid of the precautionary small trachi. I may even be able to talk. Eating and swallowing may be restricted for 24 hours – which is a pain as the nil by mouth has me hungry now – because there may be granulomas that have been removed during surgery.

I am optimistic, even in my heavy, boneless state. Recovery has gone well since the first surgery two weeks ago. I just have to wait and see. All being well after a quiet day tomorrow the trachi will be removed on Thursday and I’ll be out on Friday. There is a background hum of fear, of things that could not happen or go wrong. I know that these thoughts are inevitable, but as a positive character I do believe that all will be OK, and the fear can just piss right off.

The two photos today kind of reflect my mood. The header image was created when I was awake after early meds run this morning. I used the self timer and forgot to put my ever present nebuliser back on for the shot, as I was moving around the bed to get back in within 10 seconds.

The second photo was the view that greeted me when I opened the blind. A sliver of golden possibility under heavy doubt.

 

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